The Reality of Living
by AccordingToMel
Summary: It is New Years Eve, but for the first time in a very long time, Jack Hodgins is spending the evening alone, throwing himself a unique kind of celebration – a pity party, complete with alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.


**Title**: The Reality of Living – 1/?

**Author**: AccordingToMel

**Summary**: It is New Years Eve, but for the first time in a very long time, Jack Hodgins is spending the evening alone, throwing himself a unique kind of celebration – a pity party, complete with alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

**Characters****:** Zack/Hodgins friendship; Cam/Hodgins friendship; mentions of Hodgela

**Rating**: T (PG-13)

**Spoilers**: General season 3 and 4

**Word Count**: 2,185

**Disclaimer**: I wish. Seriously, I do. I own the DVDs. Does that count?

**Author's note**: Well, this wasn't what I was supposed to be writing the last few days, but a new idea hit me and I couldn't ignore it. This story will probably be about 4-5 chapters max. The main focus will be on the friendship between Zack and Hodgins, but there will be other elements as well. I wanted to write something a little shorter. Let me know what you think! Constructive criticism is always welcome. Happy reading!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 1****: Pity Party**

It is New Years Eve, but for the first time in a very long time, Jack Hodgins is spending the evening alone, throwing himself a unique kind of celebration – a pity party, complete with alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

This was always one of his favourite nights. Contrary to what people might think of him, Hodgins has never been a party-goer. He'd much prefer to get together with a small group of friends and ring in the New Year with good liquor and some good company. Say good-bye to the previous year and welcome in the new one. This year is no different. Except this year _is_ different, because so much has changed since the last New Years celebration. Last year Hodgins spent the evening with the love of his life and his best friend. This year he is without both Angela and Zack, and he's fairly certain he hasn't felt this miserable in months.

Which is why Hodgins is sitting in the lab at work on New Years Eve, drinking alone. He stayed late to finish some work and he hasn't gathered up the energy to leave. His original plan was to go home early and get wasted, but now that he's started drinking, Hodgins likes the idea of sticking around the workplace and sleeping it off in his office instead.

He's thankful that he's not usually this pathetic, but these last few months have been _hard_. This is the first significant reminder of what he's lost in quite a while, and he's finding it harder to stomach then he would have anticipated.

Hodgins misses Angela a lot. It's not so much that he's still harbouring feelings for her. He did love her though, and he thinks that a part of him always will. They shared something that he'd never had before. But she's made it painfully clear that she has moved on. And with a woman, no less. It's more that he truly thought they shared something special. Something that could last a lifetime. Now, a year later, it's obvious that his love was not enough for her. And that hurts more than anything else. Sure, they're still friends. But it's hard to turn to an ex-lover for support and comfort. Even still, if she wanted him back, he is quite certain that he would jump at the opportunity even if it would be in neither of their best interests.

Even more than Angela, though, he misses his best friend and former roommate. While Angela is no longer his fiancé, she is at least still present in his life. But Zack barely is anymore, courtesy of the whole Gormagon fiasco. Sometimes Hodgins still wonders what he could have done differently to help stop his friend from going down the wrong path. He thinks that maybe, if he hadn't been so wrapped up in his relationship with Angela, he could have picked up on the signs and prevented the whole thing from happening in the first place. No one was closer to Zack than Hodgins. How could he have not known? And worse, how could he have not been there to stop things from getting out of hand? But logically Hodgins know that there was nothing he could have done. He just wishes sometimes that there was.

Still, Hodgins goes to visit his friend a few times a month. More, if he is able. But it's vastly different from having him in his garage apartment and at work all day. Surprisingly, Zack is one of the only people who really and truly understands Hodgins. For all his apparent lack of insight and social skills, Zack was able to form a deep connection with Hodgins. Angela did too, but he couldn't talk about women problems with her.

Hodgins kind of hoped that time would make things better. But he's not so sure that it has. Everyone else seems to have dealt with Zack's disappearance from the team. And Hodgins knows that he needs to get over it too. But the reality is that he's having a very hard time doing so. Especially with the new intern flavour of the week that appears in the lab every Monday. It's just a constant reminder that Zack is no longer part of the team. He loved Zack like a brother – still does, if he's being honest – and there isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't miss his friend.

Suddenly a voice from somewhere behind him pulls Hodgins from his depressing reverie.

"Hodgins! What the hell are you still doing here?" The person says, shocking Hodgins so much that he almost jumps out of his chair. Turning around with a hand literally across his chest he finds Camille Saroyan standing a few feet away, giving him a pointed look. She's wearing a long black dress with a black shall and her hair is in some sort of fancy up-do. She looks nice, he notes ruefully to himself. She's probably headed off to some fancy New Years party.

"I could ask you the same thing," he scoffs a little too bitterly, and instantly regrets the tone he just used with his boss.

She thankfully chooses to ignore his attitude. "I was finishing up some paperwork. I'm heading out now though."

"Well, have fun," Hodgins tells her, hoping she'll do just that and not ask any more questions.

But she just looks at him instead of leaving, seemingly waiting for some kind of explanation. When he doesn't provide one, she finally speaks up. "Shouldn't you be off somewhere celebrating the New Year? It's almost midnight."

Hodgins feels the biting pain of anger and sadness well up in his gut and he wants nothing more than for this conversation to be over so he can go back to drinking alone. "Yeah, well I'm not really in the mood."

"How come?" Cam asks him, and he can actually see her whole demeanour shifting.

_Because I don't have Angela anymore. Because I desperately miss Zack. Because what the hell was there to celebrate about this past year? Because all I can hope is that next year doesn't suck as much as this one did._ He wants to say all of these things in response to Cam's question, but he can't seem to bring himself to say the words. So instead he just shrugs and looks away from her piercing gaze.

"I just…don't have anyone to celebrate with. Or at least not anyone I _want_ to celebrate with," Hodgins finally, reluctantly admits.

Hodgins still isn't looking up at her, but he knows that she's watching him very carefully. He hears her footsteps and assumes that she's leaving finally. Though he finds her timing a little odd. However, when Cam comes back a few moments later pulling a roller chair behind her, he can't but feel a sense of relief that she didn't just walk away from him too.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that this has something to do with Angela. Probably Zack too," she states bluntly, sitting down in the chair directly across from him.

Hodgins is surprised and a little impressed that she got it right on the first guess. "How did you know?" is all he can manage to get out.

"Hey, I'm not as clueless as I look," Cam retorts with a sly smile. But she quickly sobers when Hodgins doesn't return the gesture.

She tries again. "It's been a difficult year for you with Zack being incarcerated and your break up with Angela. You probably miss them both a lot, and I'm going to guess that you spent last New Years Eve with the two of them. Am I right?"

Hodgins just stares, a little taken aback by Cam's apparent psychic prowess. It's not exactly a secret that he was devastated by both events, but he's surprised that Cam put the two together so easily. "Yeah, that's exactly right," he finally tells her.

Cam nods knowingly. "Look, I'm really sorry for all the crap that you've had to deal with this past year. But you can't let it defeat you."

Hodgins quirks an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"Sitting around drinking and feeling sorry for yourself?" Cam asks, gesturing towards him. "You're better then that."

Hodgins is instantly annoyed. "I'm sorry, I forgot you were perfect. Don't sit here and judge me, man," he spits angrily at her, words ripe with sarcasm.

"Excuse me?" Cam asks in surprise, sounding none too impressed with him.

Hodgins knows that he shouldn't be focusing his anger in Cam's direction. She's only trying to help him. But she's here and she's pushing him and that just makes it so _easy_ to take things out on her. Still, this is his colleague and boss. And she's not going to stand for this kind of behaviour. That much he knows. He takes a few deep breaths to calm down, hoping that he still has the mental capacity to do so.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, feeling himself visibly deflate. He sighs heavily, running one hand down his face. This evening is not going one bit the way he'd originally planned.

He feels a hand come to gently rest on his arm moments later, and glances up to see a look of concern on Cam's face. "Like I say, I know this has been a difficult year for you. But we all go through trying times in our lives. Unfortunately it's the reality of living. At least Zack and Angela are still alive and healthy." She squeezes his arm before letting go, but doesn't move out of his personal bubble.

Hodgins doesn't know what to say to that. She's right, of course. He completely recognizes that at least he still has both of them present in his life. But it's so different now…and Hodgins does not do well with change.

"Why don't you go visit him?" Cam suggests suddenly.

Hodgins' head shoots up in surprise, shocked eyes meeting a gentle expression. "Who, Zack?"

"No, Santa Claus," Cam jokes, rolling her eyes. "Of course Zack."

"I can't do that," Hodgins states.

"Why the hell not?" comes the response.

Hodgins glances quickly at his watch before throwing his hands into the air dramatically. "Because it's already past 11:00. Visiting hours are long over."

Cam shrugs, nonplussed by the statement. "Maybe they make exceptions on New Years," she suggests.

Hodgins narrows his eyes. "Why would they do that?"

Now it's Cam's turn to throw her arms up in frustration. "I don't know Hodgins. But how are you going to know unless you try? If you miss Zack so much then get off your ass and go see him already. It's not that complicated."

Hodgins opens his mouth to retort, but the stare she's giving him is enough to make him think twice. He supposes that going to visit Zack on New Years wouldn't be the worst plan in the world. It wouldn't be like last year, but at least he'd get to ring in the New Year with his friend. Maybe they can start 2009 off on a better note than the last year.

"Fine," he finally says, leaning his head back and closing his eyes momentarily. She's right – maybe this doesn't have to be so complicated. "I'll go."

"Look, I can drive you if you want," Cam offers after a couple minutes of silence.

Hodgins looks at her in surprise, touched that she'd be willing to do that for him. But Hodgins only planned on ruining his own New Years Eve, not anyone else's. "Thanks, but I can drive myself," he tells her after a moment.

"You've been drinking, right?"

Hodgins says nothing, but she knows that she's right.

"Since it's New Years Eve and we're technically off the clock, I'm going to overlook the fact that you've broken policy by consuming alcohol in the building," she informs him in her typical stern tone of voice. But there is also compassion there, and he's grateful. "But I'd be a terrible boss and friend if I let you drive out of here intoxicated."

"Don't you have a party to go to or something?" he asks, gesturing towards her hair and dress.

Cam shoots him another glare. "Yes, but the facility is on my way. Otherwise I wouldn't have offered."

"How about I take a cab," Hodgins suggests, though it's more of a statement then a question.

"Hodgins!" she admonishes in a way that reminds him of when his mother used to scold him. "Stop being so stubborn and get moving. If I have to ring in the New Year by myself in my car I'm going to hold you personally responsible." Cam stops to point sternly at him. "It's either this or I write you up for drinking. I'll meet you out front in 5 minutes."

With a nod and the faintest of smiles, she heads back to her office, leaving Hodgins alone with his thoughts. It only takes him a few moments to make up his mind, as he grabs his jacket and bag and heads up front to meet Cam.


End file.
